Self-Worth 101

What is self-worth?  Self-worth is the belief that you are worthy and valuable.  It's a fundamental knowing that you are worthy to be treated with love and respect.  Self-worth allows you to feel like you belong, no matter how many "mistakes" you make.  Your level of self-worth is reflected in every single area of your life - your relationships, your lifestyle, your job, your approach to anything difficult that comes up.  Loving yourself wholeheartedly can feel like a very uncomfortable concept to a lot of people!  However over time, it's possible to start to see your own value and build a healthy sense of worth.  Ultimately I believe that if you have a high level of self-worth, everything in your life feels like it flows with much more ease.

Awareness

Ask yourself the following questions: How are you talking to yourself?  How critical are you to yourself?  How do you deal with rejection / mistakes / failure?  Are you in general choosing from a place of love or from a place of fear? What excuses are you making for yourself?  Are you always fighting for your limitations?

These are all signs as to where your self-worth is at.  For example if your inner critic is always telling you how rubbish you are, if you are always making decisions because you are scared of getting out of your comfort zone or doing something new, if you are always making the excuse "I am too busy" instead of doing the things you know would help you feel better / more fulfilled, if you are always saying things like "she could quit her job but I never could" then this is a big sign that things need to change.

"Awareness is the greatest agent for change." Eckhart Tolle.

Blame and Guilt

When we have low self-worth we are often blaming ourselves & feeling guilty for all sorts of things.  Blame & shame are totally unhelpful emotions.  Instead we have to look with awareness at our behaviour and choose to grow, choose to change. The actions we take, our behaviours, our feelings & emotions - 95% of them are subconscious.  The work we do to increase our self-worth brings the subconscious into the conscious mind.  When we start to do this work to increase our self-worth we can feel all sorts of shame around our past behaviours.  But we have to remember we didn’t have the tools at the time. Give yourself the compassion to know that you did your best with the knowledge you had at the time.  

Beliefs

Self-worth is linked to the beliefs you have about yourself and the world.  If you don’t believe you can change then the likelihood is you won’t.  Your beliefs are incredibly important when it comes to everything you do.  If your desires and beliefs are out of alignment it's unlikely you will fulfil these desires.  The problem is that so many of us have broken beliefs about our worth and what we can achieve.  This is due to social conditioning & how we are brought up.  I want to tell you about a study to show the power of our beliefs.

Drugs always get tested against a placebo.  A placebo is a drug that contains absolutely nothing.  The point of a placebo is to show that the drug is better than simply taking a pill.  If you take a pill which contains nothing and yet you get a positive response - what is it that causes that?  One thing - the belief that the pill is going to work.  During a chemotherapy drug trial 1 group of people were given chemo & 1 were given a placebo.  Neither the patients or the people giving the drugs had any idea who was having real chemo and who wasn't.  In the chemo group, everyone lost all of their hair.  In the placebo group, 40% of people lost their hair.  Simply the belief that they were being given the drug meant that their hair fell out.

If you have high worth beliefs about yourself you can live a life that reflects this.

High self worth vs low self worth behaviours

There are many behaviours that we exhibit on auto pilot that give us a good idea of where we are at.  Again we use awareness to start bringing that autopilot into the conscious mind because only then can we create change in our behaviours.

Some high self-worth behaviours

•  You make decisions easily.
•  You don't doubt yourself.
•  Ease and comfort around others.
•  Do not adhere to perfectionism - you know you do enough.
•  Surround yourself with great people - people who lift you up.
•  You do not accept toxic relationships.
•  Good at creating healthy boundaries.
•  Know your core values.
•  You give yourself compassion & kindness.
•  You view mistakes as part of the process.
•  You know failure is a part of success.
•  You don't put ridiculous pressure on yourself.
•  You have the ability to self-soothe.
•  You enjoy your job.
•  You have good levels of energy.
•  People respect you.
•  You don't take things personally.

Low Self-Worth Behaviours 

•  You are in victimhood mode a lot of the time "why do bad things happen to me?"
•  You loose perspective easily.
•  You are terrified of confrontation.
•  You feel like people don't respect you.
•  You are terrified of failure & making mistakes.
•  You people please.
•  You want everyone to like you.
•  You are a perfectionist.
•  You never say no.
•  You feel guilty a lot of the time.
•  You don't know what you value.
•  You worry that you are behind in life.
•  You are hard on yourself.
•  You put a lot of pressure on yourself.
•  You internal dialogue is negative.
•  You gossip & judge.

 The amazing thing is all your low self-worth behaviours can absolutely change to high self-worth behaviours

Self-worth myths

1. Self-worth is based on your ability to earn it.  It’s what you do that determines your worthiness, and you have to work hard to get it. If you’re not working hard and achieving, there’s no reason to feel good about yourself.
   You don’t have to prove your worthiness. YES, it’s a myth you have to earn your worthiness. The truth is that you were born worthy.
2. Self-worth is the result of external events. It’s derived from external events in your life such as good grades, degrees, promotions, praise, recognition, awards and job titles.
   External measures do not add or take away from your worthiness. Since you are born worthy, successes and failures don’t add to or detract from your inherent worthiness.  Failures are in fact part and parcel of success - the most successful people in the world have suffered numerous failures. 
3. Self-worth is the result of being better than everyone else. You compete with others and have to be doing better than everyone else. It’s difficult for you to celebrate the success of others as it reminds you of your need to be one step ahead. You have to shine.
   Comparing yourself to others is a waste of time and energy. You don’t have to prove your worth. It’s already there, so it doesn’t matter how you compare to others. Celebrating others is a beautiful thing to do.
4. Feeling good about yourself requires consistent proof. When one achievement ends, you have to move the goal post and keep achieving again and again.  You constantly seek some form of recognition to prove that you indeed are worthy.
   You don’t need consistent proof.  In fact taking time off, creating space in your life is a very powerful tool to remember this.  The idea that being busy means we are worthy and successful is a dangerous path.  Embrace a slower life, embrace boredom, embrace the present moment rather than consistently striving to succeed.
5. Self-worth requires feeling admired and loved. Love, adoration or approval from others enhances your feelings of worthiness. If you love and adore me, I must be worthy.
   Healthy relationships require you to love yourself.  We often struggle to believe we are worthy in relationships unless we continually have the proof from the other person.  A healthy relationship requires you to love yourself fully & not expect someone to validate who you are.

Self-Worth Affirmations

I am exactly where I am meant to be

What is meant for me will not miss me

Everything is always working out for me

I am always enough

I am loved, just as I am

I am worthy of everything I desire